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The Healing Process

Insecurities



 




I had a conversation with my best friend the other day. Honestly speaking to her helps me when I need to self reflect and to really snap back into who I really am. I get so mad at myself for acting irrational when I'm in my feelings. One thing I have been working on the most is not hitting low blows when I'm upset. I'm not going to play victim I know why she was mad, she read my blog. Why? I don't know ? They all blocked from all my pages but I mean she went out her way found it, hurt her own feelings and then tried to hurt my mine. Talking a whole bunch of dumb shit that really showed her true character, and insecurities. I mean it doesn't take a genius to see that I'm upset about the situation. I mean come on sis really? You read the blog you can already see that my ass been hurt, on top of that you finally got him! So why go out of your way to pick a fight with me? Are you really happy?

 

I get upset because I always feel bad for how I react and regret the things I say when people come for me. I'm too nice of a person. The next day I could not even stop thinking about all the mean shit I said to both him and her. She reached out to me, dogged me and my ass feel bad for what I said to her. See that's the shit that gets on my nerves!

You right I am a little off in the head sis! After you messaged me from that fake page I was on my way to The Nautica to whoop his ass I swear to God I was. One voice in my head was telling me to break in, grab that bat and start fucking him and his shit up. My voice of reason telling me to pull over and calm down. So that's exactly what I did, I pulled over, I calmed down, I prayed and I started to really think...... like what would me beating him up really do? Yeah It would've temporarily made me feel better to hit him and destroy his shit. But after that my ass would've been sitting here feeling bad and sad, sad and mad all over again. Truthfully I need good karma in my life, and I don't have time for court. Let alone have the whole Westside at my neck. I definitely don't have time for a Eastside v.s Westside bang out.

I just want to focus on me, my dreams and being successful this is not what I need nor what I want. I don't want a family right now, I don't want to be a stepmom, I don want a baby daddy. I do want a husband someday and a child made with love, I want a man who is going to be at the childbirth, one who I know isn't going to leave for a fuck. I want a partner who is honest and cares , I want to invest in buildings and dreams, I want to travel, So trust me when I say I don't want that sis really. I don't want what you have, I'm not going to be the problem in y'all relationship. I will not be the one trying to come back and get in between y'all family believe me, I respect it. Hell yeah I'm sad I got comfortable, I opened up but I been there done that, I don't want it. I'm too good for this, too motivated, too loyal for this shit.... Yeah you right baby I am pretty with a fat ass, thick as fuck, SHO' YOU RIGHT! Just a fuck? For three years? Did he tell you that? You believe him? Or is that what you want to believe? THREE YEARS! Shiiiid... that was a long fuck. I want you to know the thing I pride myself on the most is the fact that I'm not just POPPIN on the outside, see it's my inner beauty that really makes me glow honey and that's how I know that I am waaaaay to good for this situation. Being with him, he dimmed my light, he brought out the insecurities, manipulated and showed his ass. I'm better than him, I know you are too. Stop trying to argue with me cause honestly I guarantee If you got to know me you would probably leave him for me. You like girls right? I don't like them in that way but we can be cool one-day if you open to it?

Don't let him trick you into thinking I'm crazy he did that to me about you. After all the petty shit and flaunting, sending the fake happy pictures of y'all together you are the one that's stuck in that relationship... and it will all make sense later. Just know I don't want your man love, be happy genuinely, raise that pretty baby y'all have together. You can reach out to me if you ever want to vent or talk but if it's on bullshit don't do it, let me heal in peace and stop showing me your insecurities, because just like mine I'm going to write about them on my blog. Thank you for reading though, I think you should subscribe.💕




 

Thank You For Reading


XOXO

Lulu





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