This Bitch

Part 1

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HomeGirls:

Is it just me or do men have a way of tampering with your securities? Like be real with me, let me know if I am tripping. A guy cheats and somehow you feel out of your element, like it had to be something you did that caused this to happen, or like you’re not enough for them. They have you questioning all these boundaries you set for yourself wondering why you would fall short on what you believe in order to make things right with them. They force your hand into making decisions you never wanted to make in the first place. But let’s not put all the blame on these dog ass men lets also address these scandalous women. Now listen y'all, I am all for women but the one thing I cannot stand is a woman who knows about you but still choses to fuck with the man. Like who raised these bitches anyway?

(I do not own rights to this photo)

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So, it’s clear to me y’all only know one side of the story, and I am pretty sure that his story is the only one that holds weight (rolling my eyes). I guarantee that y’all only know bits and pieces of what really happened, there is no way you could be looking at me like I’m the crazy one if you knew the fuckery that this man has put me through. Shit but since we’re all here let’s talk about it! No, no yeah, I get it he was just texting the girl it was innocent; I mean it wasn’t like he was fucking her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s cool and all but you want to know who he was fucking…… ME!! Yeah auntie he sure was I’m pretty sure that’s no mystery we’re all grown here. Oh, and might I add the life I had growing inside of me for almost 2 ½ months! Yeah, my hormones got the best of me there were a few heated arguments here and there, but not once did I lose sight of us in these arguments, I was under the impression that we were still building this shit together, I guess I was wrong.

I didn’t find out until the day I was scheduled to take the Misoprostol, that our relationship was “on the rocks”. You want to know what’s really wild is that I wasn’t hearing this from the mouth of my man instead I’m reading it in messages between him and THIS BITCH. Confidential information about our relationship being exchanged with this desperate ass hoe. Amongst these messages a couple “Good morning Beautiful’s” here and there. It’s clear to me at this point that this is more than a friendship. Like really? This bitch is getting my “Good morning” texts? As if it couldn’t get any more fucked up, I come across a message reading “FUCK YOUR GIRLFRIEND”! Now this shit really got me tight really fuck me? No bitch fuck you, you’re so pressed. I’m not even a fighter but I’m telling you when I see THIS BITCH it’s on sight!! Ugh ok now let me tell y’all how he responded back? Now this shit really threw me for a loop, this raggedy ass piece of shit responds to her with a “Damn Good morning”. Have y’all ever read one of those dramatic stories when somebody explains something that hurt their feelings and they say “may heart sunk into my stomach”, I’m here to tell you that that shit is no theatrical metaphor it’s the real deal, that is exactly what happened to my shit after reading that message. I promise I will never look at him the same again.

I’m still having a hard time trying to understand all of this, like this shit can’t be real. Like really how could he do this to me. To us? How could he allow THIS BITCH to disrespect his lady? Not only his lady but his friend that he has known since high school. Me and this man have literally known each other for over a fucking decade, this is why this is so crazy to me. Like It is beyond me a man could be on your heels for years while you’re steady curving him, but he remains consistent, trying to prove to you this is where he wants to be but then he fucks it up. I’m not even going to fake, I didn’t even like him! Like I wasn’t feeling him at all! But there was something about his persistence that made me eventually grow fond of him. I can honestly say I thought he was one of the realest men I have ever met. I guess it takes time to see a person’s true colors.

The apology given to me was really nonchalant, actually weak as fuck, but it was still forgiven, because I can’t deny the feelings I have for his raggedy ass. The wound is still fresh, but we are in the works on making things better again. Meanwhile my body is in the process of recovering from the loss of our unborn child. I can’t lie I have been real fucked up drowned with feelings of shame, depression and doubt. I am very vocal with him about my feelings, he claims that we are in this together, but I feel so alone in this. Apart of me feels like this is not going to last for real anyway. I’m still all over the place with these emotions but I’m also still holding on to us. I am such a dumb ass bitch!

dream about it.

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Thank You for Reading

xoxo

-Lulu

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Advice

Don't beat yourself up for loving someone

You are human and eventually you will make the best decision for you

People will take you for granted don't let that change the way you love and care for others

There are plenty of fish in the sea!

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